On sleepless nights, you try to remember when you began feeling like this. You go as far back into your memories as you could, trying to determine where it all started out. But there was no starting point, no sudden creeping of this feeling that dragged you down as you grew up. Because even when you were young, you knew how sadness felt like, didn’t you? Apologies on your lips, eyes somewhere far away, despair slipping in the cracks of your skin while your heart beat in an unforgivable staccato rhythm, drenched in misery, quietly sinking into the familiar darkness. You close your eyes and you remember those school days: sitting in the back corner of your class, tracing the holes in the desk and daydreaming about an alternate universe where the loneliness doesn’t follow you to your bed or slip into your dreams; holding your breath under water, lungs burning, your body straining to come up for air while a part of you longed to stay there, wondering how drowning feels like.
